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Original Airdate: 01/12/98
Dinner at the Camden's is over and while Matt is clearing the table, Simon announces that he will pull the cloth out from under his plate – however he fails miserably and send pieces of food flying across the table. He looks at his mom and says that once his slight of hand manual comes in the mail, he will be able to pull a whole tablecloth out - or not. Annie is worried about Eric who didn't call in but missed dinner and Simon thinks he was abducted by aliens who saw him in church and thought he was God, and Ruthie hopes he went to pick up ice cream. Eric runs through the door and tells everyone why he was late – the local cable access company is going to be taping this Sunday's services at their church, and if there is a big enough audience, it will be every Sunday. While Eric's excitement can't be contained, the rest of the family seems indifferent.The next day, Annie has her hands full with laundry and a mop when the phone rings. After nobody will answer it, she does and is surprised to find it is Mrs. Bink who wants Eric to run and pick up some medicine for her. Eric pleads with Annie to run the errand for him and she agrees. He then asks her if she can work on the shrubs outside the church and maybe order a few more flowers for Sunday – all of which she happily agrees.
When mid-term grades are handed out in history class at school, Lucy is heartbroken when she sees a big "D" on her midterm. A bunch of the "lower curve" kids congratulate her and welcome her to their world. When Matt notices the D, he asks whom she is going to get to sign her midterm report, and she asks if it was an offer – to which he says no. Meanwhile, Mary meets with Coach Koper in the hallway and sets up a physical therapy session for after school. Some of the other teammates catch her in the hallway and tell her there is a new basketball star on the team – a transfer student. Mary is suddenly a little concerned.
Back at the house, Eric is shooting rubber bands from his pencil while awaiting his sermon inspiration. In doing so, he smack Happy right in the eye with a rubber band and she bids a hasty retreat. Eric looks back down at his blank computer screen and keeps trying to work through his writer's block. When the kids come home from school, Simon grabs his magic kit off the table that came in the mail and runs up to his room. Annie comes in covered with mud from working on the plants, and is horrified to see the roast still in the refrigerator – the one Eric promised to put in the oven. Upstairs, Simon asks Ruthie to be his assistant since she likes to wear her swimsuit, but she says no way.
Mary can't find Coach Koper after school so she goes to the gym and sees him working with the new transfer student, Diane. She watches as she sinks every basket that she tries. She walks over and Koper tells her to work out on her own today since he has to spend some time with Diane to help her adjust to her new team. Mary turns and walks away.
Eric is still getting nowhere on his sermon and turns on the radio. He picks up a magnifying glass and starts to lip sync and dance to the Mashed Potato. Ruthie sees him and starts dancing too. Finally he realizes he is being watched and turns off the radio and tells Ruthie he needs to be alone to work out his writer's block. She asks where the block is and he tells her it's not a real block, it's in his head. She tells her dad that she has pennies in her head but only Simon can get them out! Eventually she leaves him alone to his sermon.
When Mary comes home from school, she goes to the back yard to work on her shot, and as Matt watches, she misses every one. Matt goes over to her and offers to help her get her game back on track, but she yells and says it's not his problem and runs in the house. Matt follows her upstairs where Lucy is on the phone and they both yell at her to get off. There, Lucy spills the beans about Mary wanting to quit the basketball team. Hearing the yelling, Annie runs in and learns about Lucy's D. During the commotion, the phone rings and Ruthie picks it up and is surprised to find Eric's dad, Colonel Camden, on the line. She tells him about everything going on, and that the roast is on fire in the oven. He tells her to hang up and go get her mom quick.
The next day, just as Eric is about to start writing, the doorbell rings and he opens it to find the Colonel standing there. He tells his dad that now isn't a good time and that him being in church makes him a little nervous. The Colonel says that's just the kind of pressure Eric needs and not to worry about anything else – he will take care of it. When Simon and Ruthie come down the stairs dressed in their magician's outfits, he tells them to make all the toys in the living room disappear. Upon entering the kitchen, he finds Matt and Mary and shocks Matt when he tells her that she should quit the team. Mary leaves, triumphant, while Matt can't believe what he's hearing and walks out. In walks Lucy and he offers to help her with history while they clean up the place. While all this is going on, Eric gets his inspiration and starts typing away and within a few hours completes his sermon.
The Colonel and Lucy make dinner and then sit down with a plate of fruit to talk a little history. He tells her about the US moving into Cambodia during the Viet Nam war from his perspective of actually living it – which brings it alive for Lucy. Lucy tells him she just felt comfortable in the laid back crowd and accepted. He tells her that she should question any man who wants a woman that isn't too bright. After hearing the sound of a basketball outside, Matt investigates and finds Mary hitting every shot he tries. She tells him she is STILL quitting the team though.
Annie comes home and is taken back by the fact that dinner has been made and the laundry has been done and the sheets actually ironed. She gives The Colonel a big hug. Eric comes out from his study and announces his accomplishment and gives Annie a kiss. Immediately following, The Colonel tells him Marines don't kiss – and Eric laughs and gives him a hug.
It's the big day at the church and the camera crew is making their way around the church as the choir and the congregation sing "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands." Mary looks over and sees the new girl, Diane Butler, walk in and sit down in one of the back rows – she can't believe it. Matt offers the family some Tic-Tac's and Simon decides to show Ruthie another slight of hand trick. Ruthie, after seeing the trick, assumes the Tic-Tac was sniffed up Simon's nose and tries the same trick. Seconds later, a loud shriek is heard and Eric rushes down from the pulpit while the camera crew zooms in. Annie rushes Ruthie out of the church and to the hospital. As Mary and Lucy were about to follow, Diane meets up with her and says it was Coach Koper's idea for her to go to the church. She tells Mary that she had the same operation two years ago, and now she's back and better than ever. Mary gets over her hate of Diane and the two become friends.
Ruthie gets checked out at the hospital and she explains that she didn't want to be Simon's assistant – she wanted to do her own tricks. Annie tells her that sometimes it's nice to make others feel good and not be the center of attention. The doctor shows Ruthie a trick after Ruthie promises not to tell how it's done. Outside, Simon apologizes for ruining the televised sermon and Eric says he forgives him. When Ruthie comes out of the room, Simon apologizes to her, and when he bends down, she pulls a sucker from his ear and he can't believe what he just saw. He grabs the sucker out of her hands and tries to figure it out.